i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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