i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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