She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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