I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
