Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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