We're facebook friends in real life
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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