dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
