im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
