She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
