Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
