OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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