I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
