i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
