I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
