Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize