im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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