I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Randomize
