I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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