so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
