your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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