Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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