i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
