Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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