i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
