shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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