Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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