I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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