Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
