Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i now understand why vodka
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
