I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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