my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
