Nicole vs. Life
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
