We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
