I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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