I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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