you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
