Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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