I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
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You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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