i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
