genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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