Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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