..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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