ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
