Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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