so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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