One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
