We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
