if i can run in heels then i can drive
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
