uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
