There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My life is pants optional.
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