everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
