she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
