I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
