I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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