I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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