your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
