HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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