I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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