Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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