i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
