I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
