I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
