either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
