I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i already hear my dad disowning me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
