I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
