Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
