I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
