I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
