we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
