I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
