Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
