if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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