my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
