AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
