so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
