I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
