what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
