in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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